The Devil (666) sends an Internet message (IM) to Brittney (BRT), a self-proclaimed missionary who is "married to Christ".
666: It's cooler in Hell.
BRT: And your point? Where is THAT coming from?
666: That is my new ad slogan for Hell. What do you think?
BRT: Oooooh. I see. Great slogan!
666: Yeah, I thought so, too. Do you believe in Hell?
BRT: Yes, I do. You?
666: Certainly. Have you ever been there?
BRT: No! And I care not to go neither. Have you?
666: I just got back from Hell actually. If you haven't been there, how do you know that it is real?
BRT: Because the Word speaks of it, and also there has to be a place for all wrongdoings. There are some things being done out there that are downright hell-bound. If people could do things and feel there is no payment, then what's the sense in living?
666: Some people live for pleasure. Isn't pleasure good?
BRT: What about that person that lives for pleasure, minding their business and enjoying life, and gets cut off by someone crazy? Shouldn't they be paid for their wrong when courts let them go free?
666: Yes, I will deal with people like that. Don't you worry.
BRT: But remember this … Hell is not ONLY for the wrongdoing of men, but for all living creatures that reject God and His Son.
666: Hrm … Let's talk about you now. Wouldn't you like to experience some pleasure tonight?
BRT: Nah. That's alright. Go find someone else to fulfill your fantasy.
666: Do you think that atheists are going to Hell?
BRT: Don't know. But I'm sure they KNOW where they're going. If they do not believe in GOD and HIS SON, then doom is their destiny.
666: They probably think they just die one day and that's it.
BRT: Sad. Because that is NOT it. Is that what you is?
666: No, no! That is not what I is.
BRT: There IS life after death. And it's sad that some people do not believe that, because it's not their bodies that need a resting place, it's their SOULS!!!
666: I know for a fact that there is an afterlife.
BRT: Oh. I see. Hope you're ready for it.
666: Not only am I ready for it, I rule over it. Hey, do you think there are virgins in Heaven? I ask because I wonder if you agree with the Muslims that every man gets a harem of virgins for his faith.
BRT: Don't know. There will be no such thoughts in Heaven, I'm sure. If there was, then what's the sense of going there, if it's going to be the same as here?
666: Are you a virgin?
BRT: That kind of discussion is ONLY discussed with me and my husband.
666: Hrm … Does your husband know that you are talking to me?
BRT does not respond.
666: Let's change the topic. I can tell you don't want to discuss your husband. Do you think the end of the world is near?
BRT: Yes, nearer than we think. I'm sorry. My computer froze. Had to reboot.
666: How near? Maybe tomorrow?
BRT: Maybe. We know not the day nor the hour when the Son of Man is coming.
666: What makes you think it is near?
BRT does not respond.
666: Still there, honey? Having more computer problems?
BRT stops sending IMs to 666.
666 sends an IM to Monkey (MKY), a Christian chick from Texas.
666: Are you a real monkey?
666: Do you really "pray continually"? That is what your profile says.
MKY: No. No one can, ‘cause they're not perfect.
666: Do you like bananas?
MKY does not respond.
666: Do you like men?
MKY: Who are you?
666: I am Satan. Can you play a miniature accordion?
MKY stops sending IMs to 666.
These dialogues were selected from Christian Chicks & The Devil: The Hellman Cometh, which is available for purchase in the Pamphlets section.