Dialogues with Christian Chicks

Dialogues From The Trickster vs. The Treats

Weirdo Thinking

The Trickster vs. The Treats

The Search for a Queen

Stepping Over the Line

The Hellman Cometh

MONICA

The Devil (666) sends an IM to Monica (MNC). Her profile states that she is "waiting for the guy God has picked for [her]."

666: Trick or treat!

MNC: Who is this?

666: This is the Devil. Do you celebrate my holiday?

MNC: This is not your holiday. It is a regular day that the Lord JESUS made, like every other day.

666: No. I won this day in a poker game with Jesus. It is my day, Monica.

MNC does not respond.

666: Do you celebrate Halloween?

MNC: I used to trick-or-treat as a kid, but that is it. It is not a day to be celebrated. It is just a regular day. But people look at it as a bad day.

666: Did you ever dress up as a witch?

MNC: No, I never did. I don't go for anything like that.

666: What did you dress up as?

MNC: Cheerleader, princess, Dorothy from Wizard of Oz. Stuff like that.

666: Hrm ... Dorothy was an evil witch-killer. But I like the other two.

MNC: I went to church tonight and saw a play.

666: What play did you see?

MNC: It was a play on Heaven and Hell.

666: Oh, tell me about the Hell part! Was there a Satan in the play?

MNC: It was about people that did not accept Jesus as their personal Savior and the people that did.

666 does not respond.

MNC: How old are you?

666: Do you want to know my real age?

MNC: Yea.

666: Tonight I am 6 billion years old. That is why I am celebrating.

MNC: I have to go now. I hope and pray that you find the trust in Jesus.

666: Are you in a rush to go trick-or-treating, now that we have talked?

MNC: No. I just have to go.

666: Silly humans!

MNC logs off the Internet provider (IP).

DAYBREAK

666 sends an IM to DayBreak (DB), whose favorite book is ... The Bible.

666: Trick or treat!

DB: Can I help you?

666: Yes. Do you celebrate Halloween?

DB: Nope. I only worship Jesus.

666: Oh. Well, don't you like to dress up as a witch or cheerleader and ask strangers for something sweet?

DB: Nope. God provides all my treats.

666: Do you ever give your treats to other people?

DB: No ... So, are you a Satanist?

666: Not exactly.

DB: What are you?

666: I am Satan.

DB: I see.

666: What are you?

DB: I am a God-fearing, spirit-filled, prayer warrior child of God.

666: Why do you fear God?

DB: Fear God means "to revere Him."

666: Do you revere the Devil?

DB: Haha! I have so much power over the Devil, because of the blood of Jesus.

666: What are you doing with the blood of Jesus? Doesn't He need that?

DB: Goodbye.

666: Badbye!

DB: God bless you, in Jesus' name ... May your eyes be open!

666: Open to what?

DB: The truth ... Goodbye.

666: You said that already.

DB: Then leave me alone!

666: Oh, am I disturbing you?

DB: No, I just have better things to do.

666 stops sending IMs to DB. But, a few minutes later, DB resumes the chat.

DB: You are just a defeated foe!

666 does not respond.

DB: So where you at right now?

No answer.

DB: You going to talk to me?

666: I thought you had "better things to do."

DB: I am bored. Haha. Want to hear what you have to say.

666: Well, I came to Earth in search of a Christian bride. But not many women are interested in joining me in Hell. I have explained why Hell is a grand place, not like in the Bible. But nobody believes me.

DB: Why would they believe a lie?

666: I have been asking myself the same question for two thousand years: Why do humans believe the Bible? It is so obviously a lie!

DB: Haha! I meant you are lies.

666: Ah! Well, I get that a lot. It is hard to convince people that you are telling the truth when Jesus and  His spin-doctors have been spreading lies about you for millenia.

DB: Haha! 2 millenium.

666: So, tell me, why don't you celebrate Halloween?

DB: Because I will not celebrate the Devil's holiday.

666: What if I flew through the sky, snuck down your chimney, and gave you a nicely wrapped gift? Would you celebrate Halloween then?

DB: Haha! No chimney here, and that would make you Santa.

666: Do you realize that the colors of Christmas, red and green, are also the colors of Hell, my homeland?

DB: Hahaha! Your colors are red and orange and black.

666: You've never heard of the term "Green Hell?"

DB: Nopes.

666: Oh well, as long as you realize that red is one of my colors, too ... By the way, what is your favorite color?

DB: None of your business.

666: But I feel like I know you. Why won't you tell me a simple thing like your favorite color?

DB: Haha! You know me! Haha! You know me because Jesus has let me kick your butt.

666: When did you kick my butt? Were you in the war?

DB: Haha! I kick your butt daily in prayer.

666: Oh, yeah! Does Jesus answer your prayers?

DB: Amen! All the time!

666: Now, keep in mind, Jesus hates a liar. So, tell me again, does Jesus really answer your prayers?

DB: YES! ALL THE TIME!

666: What do you pray for?

DB: His will.

666: And does Jesus give you His will?

DB: He shows me His will, yes.

666: What does His will look like?

DB: I can't reveal His plans.

666: Did Jesus tell you to keep His will a secret from the Devil?

DB: No, but I won't speak until He says I can. And alot of it is still unveiled.

666: All of this sounds kind of fishy to me ... First, you claim that Jesus tells you His will. But then you won't tell me what His will is. So, how do I know if you are telling the truth?

DB: Haha! Well I can say it is His will for all to be saved.

666: Blah. That is already in the Bible. I don't have to pray to Jesus in order to know that ... Tell me something that isn't in the Bible! Has Jesus told you whether He wears boxers or briefs?

DB: Hahaha! It doesn't matter to me.

666: What does Jesus want for Christmas?

DB: I know His will is for me to be a teacher, an intercessor, and a missionary.

666: Jesus told me His will once, too. In a big, booming voice, He said: "Satan! You make me sick! Get out of my sight, or I will tell Daddy what you are doing!"

DB: Good night.

666: Is it really time to go? We were having so much fun.

DB: Yes, I need to go.

666: Okay. Let the flames guide your soul, sweet Christian miss!

DB: Yes, the flame of the Holy Spirit guides me.

666: That is a good comeback. I think I am in love with you.

DB: I am taken by Jesus.

666: Oh, I didn't need to know that ... So, you're not a virgin?

DB: GOOD BYE!

DB logs off the IP.

These dialogues were selected from Christian Chicks & The Devil: The Trickster vs. The Treats, which is available for purchase in the Pamphlets section.