LORD GOD UNAPOLOGETIC OVER BABY JESUS STUNT
LOS ANGELES (Jan. 8)Early this morning Jehovah plagued three child welfare
advocates who voiced disapproval of the Lord's past treatment of His Son, Jesus
Christ. They had demanded that God apologize for letting Jesus die at the hands
of evil humans two thousand years ago.
In a statement to the press, God defended His actions saying, "Humans don't tell
me what to do. I tell them what to do. Got it?"
The dying, sore-covered child welfare advocates have
continued to speak out against God, despite the Lord's commandment not to. "Mr.
Jehovah can torture us all He wants," said Wanda Smiting from the Social Institute
for Newborns (SIN). "The fact remains, He knowingly put that little boy's life
in danger the moment He told Simeon to show Jesus to the people of the temple."
SIN is a child welfare group in Los Angeles. They believe the Crucifixion could
have been avoided, and Jesus' life could have been saved, if only God had not
ordered Simeon and others to tell the world that baby Jesus was the Lord's Son
and the Savior of Mankind. According to SIN, God is responsible for the
widespread resentment and hatred that nonbelievers had for Jesusa hatred which
eventually led to Christ's murder on the Cross.
"It's worse than that," Pepper Spray, another child advocate, remarked. "God also
told Jesus himself to brag about being the Son of God. People soon got tired of
hearing this and nailed Him up. SIN is here to say that we strongly disapprove
of Jehovah's past behavior, which placed His Son in a very dangerousand
Immediately after that statement, Pepper Spray succumbed to the plague.
Others have accused God of using Jesus as a publicity stunt, meant to help revive
interest in the Word. Comparisons have been made to recent cases, such as
Michael Jackson dangling his baby over a balcony in Berlin, and the "Crocodile
Hunter" Steve Irwin holding his defenseless newborn while feeding a 13-foot
crocodile at a freak show in Australia.
God angrily dismissed such charges, shouting to the world: "You're all going to