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BOYS CHOOSE JANET OVER JESUS, CHRISTIANS FURIOUS
HOUSTON (Feb. 3)—According to a new CBS opinion poll,
the vast majority of American boys would rather look at photos of Janet Jackson's
private parts than images of Jesus Christ's Crucifixion.
This information comes only days
after singer Janet Jackson flashed one of her boobs to a live television
audience during CBS's Super Bowl half-time coverage, seen last Sunday by an
estimated ten zillion people.
Already, Christian parents have
decried the CBS poll as a blatant attack on everything that is good and decent.
Others are simply stunned. "I just can't believe that CBS could possibly
believe that little boys actually believe that Janet is more appealing than
Jesus," said a shocked mother. "This is outrageous. I assure you, my son loves
to see Jesus Christ being crucified."
Pope John Paul also spoke out
against the poll. "CBS is the devil," he said. "This poll proves that American
boys desperately need more depictions of the Crucifixion in their schools and
on their television sets."
The poll's results, however,
suggest that American boys strongly disagree with the Pope. Eighty-nine
percent, the poll revealed, do not want the Crucifixion scene displayed in
their homes, schools and churches. "We don't like pictures of bloody dudes
nailed to crosses," one boy said. "Just give us more pretty boobies!"
Not surprisingly, only seven
percent of the boys polled preferred Jesus to the nudie photos. And when
questioned more closely, it was discovered that these boys were all gay or
mentally deficient.
Interestingly, four percent
thought Janet and Jesus were equally interesting, citing the incomparable
attractiveness of both blood and boobs.
Strangely, one boy picked Jesus
because he enjoyed seeing Him suffer.
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